It is a hard thing to start working a new person into your heart. God often gives about 9 months of warning, and then your affection grows with the baby. With an adoption, you must nurture this growth, if not artificially, then at least concertedly. With a special-needs adoption, it is hard not to just put pity in the place of love. Pity goes a little ways, but it is not love, and must not be so mistaken.
This leads me to my next point. We have thought about what to name Garnet, and were unclear on a middle name. We were casting about, playing the familiar mild-argument marital name-game, when we realized we had no idea what her real name meant (which I am not sure if we can disclose yet). Her mother had named her, probably knowing that she would give her up, and I wondered what runs through your mind when you are set on a road like that. Turns out, the name has two meanings, one of Russian origin and one of Hebrew. The Russian-derivative (probably what her mother thought) is "calm" or "tranquil". The Hebrew-derivative is "the Lord has redeemed".
And here is providence. Our sovereign God knows all things, and plans them out for His own glory and the good of His people. Our little girl will keep her name, as a middle name, to remind us that God has been working her whole life to bring her to us and to bring us to her. This reminder helped a great deal in working her into my heart. We only pray the more fervently that she would indeed be blessed to live up to her name.