We are moving down the path to Garnet. I called and talked to the social services agent at the placing agency today. It is very scary as it gets more and more real.
I am flooded with feelings of inadequacy and selfishness. Why right now? (Would I ever really NOT ask that question?)
It's too hard! She will be, in many ways, a difficult child to care for, certainly in comparison to my perfectly healthy snuggly little son. There is a very real possibility that if we adopt Garnet, our other children will know the death of a sibling at a relatively young age. Lots of things could go wrong, and we could be hurt.
Then, of course, there is the process of adoption itself. Did you know how many phone calls to strangers you have to make? I still don't. But I have called two strangers in the past two days and I think that is a record for me.
And the elephant in the room... the money. But God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and if He needs to kill a few cows for us, that is no harder for Him than providing our daily bread, which He has always done handsomely.
Two things help to keep me on track:
James 1:27 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.
2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."