News and such

Hello friends,
We are thankful for a slow onset of summer here in Arizona. We enjoyed a beautiful spring right up to the end of May. Stefan has been diagnosed with Fragile-X syndrome, which is kind of a relief, since it helps up frame our understanding of his behaviors. If you look it up, you will find a general description that fits Stefi pretty much to a tee. If you know Stefan personally, it will make a great deal of sense. Nothing in particular changes in our day-to-day, but it does give context to his extreme potty-training challenges.

Various scenes from life follow:

Ss. Barsanuphius and John, tr. Fr. Seraphim Rose

A treat before a blood draw.

Farm princess in a bus.

Goats!

Ducks!

Dahlias.

We are right around the two-year anniversary, so things are somewhat disturbed. We appreciate your prayers, and thank you for visiting.

In Christ,

Papa

With thanks to the Holy Trinity

Meet the new member of the family, Bright Monday the lift van!

We are so thankful for the generosity of my mother, who greatly blessed us with a gift more than sufficient to buy a retired paratransit van. Ana can go up the lift, Stefan can flap excitedly over the enormous машина (machina, car), and the kids are thrilled to be able to ride a bus. We are very grateful, it had been a blessed Bright week after a glorious Pascha.

We hope you are all well, God keep you under His wings.
Papa

Olive Shoots

Greetings in Christ, friends!

We are nearing the two-year report with Stefan, which is rather mind-boggling.

Our family is rejoicing at the arrival (in March) of our newest, biggest, baby! He is a dear, serious young man, somewhat fussy, and sleep has fled from our eyes, but we are thankful to God for him, and for the warm welcome extended to him by his siblings. We call him Freddy.

Freddy already thinks his big brother hung the moon.

Stefi is very gentle with little ones, for which I rejoice.

This little lady is a big sister, and pleased as punch.

 Playing in the desert and in the park

We are blessed with blooms in the spring. And Choupie has the same colors.

 Just let them try to get Stefan to do this at therapy... but when it's play, well then...

Baby chicks will be with us soon!

 Piano practice, snuggles, etc.

As you see, it is a busy bunch. Stefan is going through a toddler-like language explosion, and can talk about chickens, bunnies, potatoes, tomatoes, and much more.

Our friends, the C family, moved into a bigger space this January after their third child came, and we are glad they have the room they need, but we do feel their absence. Families from our parish have been so kind with meals and help, and one special lady was so kind as to sit with Ana and Stefi while Freddy was being born. That was a busy evening. Praise God, though, all went well.

We are now trying to figure out a school situation for Stefan next year, meeting with the local elementary next Friday. We'll see what they say. He's come a long way, but has miles before him...

Also, we are looking at lift vans. We grew out of our minivan, and are tremendously grateful for the gift of our dear friends' 2002 Accord, which has allowed us to get around very affordably and taken some load off the trusty '06 Sienna. But we can't take everybody in one car anymore, and Mama is not in a place where she should lift Ana (or load/unload her wheelchair from the minivan). So we are looking at lift vans, then looking at our bank account, and then looking to Christ who will give us what we need, and knows it better than we do.

However, I will ask you, faithful readers, if you think a GoFundMe would be appropriate? We were grateful for your help when Stefan came home, but we also know that the most generous people often have the least money, and we always want to be generous ourselves, and not a burden to those near us (however far away they are). Thus, I welcome your counsel and ask for your prayers.

I will close with words from St John Climacus, the abbot of St Catherine's of Sinai (~6th century), whom we particularly remember this Sunday:

"The Christian is one who imitates Christ in thought, word and deed, as far as is possible for human beings, believing rightly and blamelessly in the Holy Trinity. The lover of God is he who lives in communion with all that is natural and sinless, and as far as he is able neglects nothing good." (The Ladder of Divine Ascent, s1.4, tr. Archimandrite Lazarus Moore)

So let us strive to be Christians and lovers of God, not neglecting the good, and we will trust His good providence!

In Christ, who is our life,
Papa

An update! With photos!

This young man...

 Does extremely well in church, sitting by me during services. Our parish is very kind and understanding of him when he belts out "HI!" or sometimes "Bum!" during liturgy...

He still loves swinging.

And has a very nice smile - now minus two baby teeth (yesterday) which prompted a bloody mouth all evening, BUT which was all cleaned up and healed this morning!

 He also likes kitties, hoses, and being outside.

We are about 18months into life with Stefan, and now four years into life with Ana. God is faithful, Christ is glorious in His saints, and we are grateful for your prayers.

And...

Ana turns seventeen tomorrow!

I don't have a current picture of her on my phone, sorry. But she is much the same as ever, cheerful, loves her school, ...very....slowly....gaining....weight. She and I and the two behaving boys went down to the Florence monastery two weeks back (for the feast of St. Anthony), and she was thrilled. She loves her siblings, and is doing well, all things considered.

Thank you for your prayers, and God bless you for dropping by!
In Christ,
Papa

One year ago

Hello out there,

This young man has come a long way in a year.

It's a marathon. And we get tired. But we are thankful for progress, growth, new words, and the incremental bits of attention and affection that happen.

Thank you for your prayers.

In Christ,
Papa

A worthy read...

http://www.roadtoemmaus.net/back_issue_articles/RTE_52/THE_OPPOSITE_OF_WAR_IS_NOT_PEACE.pdf

This is one of the best trauma articles I have read, perhaps you may find something of value in it, too.

In Christ,
Papa

Post-placement Report #2

Time flies when you're busy!

We just apostilled our second post-placement report back to Bulgaria for Stefan. I'm afraid the pictures were on Virginia's phone, which got smashed last week, or I would share some. I'll see if I can get them once she gets her new one (but 5 years on an iPhone 5 subject to 5 kids was a really good run, and I applaud her).

But if anyone still checks on our very-quiet blog, please know that you are appreciated, and the volume of the blog is inversely correlated to the volume of our life. And it's been very full. I will give you a brief rundown:

We moved! Not far, but to a property that's just over an acre, with a great big grassy fenced yard and an even bigger back lot for the more able and responsible kids. There are citrus, mulberry, and China berry trees, and on the vacant lot just south of us, a peach and two plums, which we have permission to pick. The peaches are at their peak right now, and the lower branches are bare...up to about kid+stool height. Go figure. The move means that Ana will switch districts for next year, so we're navigating that. God has blessed us with very kind and understanding school contacts, and we just need to press on.

Stefan (and everybody but Ana, really) has grown a ton. Pants that were rather...gangsta...on him are now quite respectable. He is adding words, which is great, but it totally overloads his brain and wrecks him in the evening. If he's learned a new word, expect the rest of the day to be rather testy. His brain gets tired and he gets crabby (I understand, mine does too, just with different things - sometimes much less significant). The boyos are big and busy and love the space. Choupinette loves the bunnies and chickens - until they get too close, or try to eat her picnic food, or try to climb into the car to go to church with us. The chickens are funny.

We remain so thankful for our friends the C family who have come alongside us and walk with us, sharing the considerable burden of our busy family. And my work is very busy, yet I remain thankful for the great degree of flexibility that the university affords me. There's much to be thankful for.

We look forward to visits with friends & a wedding this weekend, and our housewarming/house-blessing party on Memorial Day- if you're in the Chandler area, let us know if you'd like to come!




I leave you with the prayer of the last elders of the Optina monastery - it is a morning prayer, and I am thankful it is in the regular morning prayers of my prayer book (though I confess a failure to memorize it yet, and thus ensure that I can actually say it anywhere I happen to be on a busy morning...)

O Lord, grant that I may meet all that this coming day brings to me with spiritual tranquility. Grant that I may fully surrender myself to Thy holy Will.
At every hour of this day, direct and support me in all things. Whatsoever news may reach me in the course of the day, teach me to accept it with a calm soul and the firm conviction that all is subject to Thy holy Will.
Direct my thoughts and feelings in all my words and actions. In all unexpected occurrences, do not let me forget that all is sent down from Thee.
Grant that I may deal straightforwardly and wisely with every member of my family, neither embarrassing nor saddening anyone.
O Lord, grant me the strength to endure the fatigue of the coming day and all the events that take place during it. Direct my will and teach me to pray, to believe, to hope, to be patient, to forgive, and to love. Amen.

For perspective on the men who composed and employed this prayer, the Wikipedia article on the monastery is helpful: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optina_Monastery

In Christ,
Mark

Post-Placement Visit 1 already?

Yes, last Friday. Stefko has been home for about four months, and the first report is due back at 6mos. Writing and sending and translating is allowed 2mos, which seems long to the novice and about-right to a bit short to those who know.

Stefan is doing well, and has gained weight, broadened his attention span, and is firming up his relationships with us all. Mostly that's good, but he and Small Porgies have developed a bit of an I-punch-you-punch-me dynamic, entirely at the instigation of S.P. This is disappointing, but I also have to remember that they are brothers, and its bound to happen at some level, and it's never escalted into a fight. They are also generally well-matched - Stefko is tough, strong, and big, S.P. is fast and accurate. It's not my favorite thing when they pick at each other, but I think it will pass as they get older, and I don't see any malice. Stefko and his littlest sister are buds, and get into mischief together, sit in the same cozy places in the same way (though he never sits for long), and bolt for the same opened doors when people are coming and going. Life is not slow, but there is so much to be thankful for.

Also, Stefko has very much figured out that there is food after church, and though he get's pretty antsy towards the end, he does a good job generally, though he's cautious about the Eucharist (man with spoon - possible medicine - evasive maneuvers! - he's only partaken once, but glory to Jesus Christ for that). But there is in Orthodoxy a bowl of bread for anyone to take after the chalice (to wash down the Eucharist), and Stefko is all over that. And many friends slip him extra bits.

Mama is tired, but got to go hang out with the church ladies last night, which I think was a success, judging by a late return and buoyant mood. In the meantime, my friend and I juggled seven kids and assembled a large (4' x 8' x 6') double-deck play-work structure for the kids to use. It has been a hit, and this morning before work I got to sit up top with S.P. and Took and read a chapter from The Voyage of the "Dawn Treader". Lewis is an old friend to me and a new one to the boys, and it's with much joy that I get to share a treasure of my youth.

Ana is plugging along, her school continues to be positive, and her school nurse was overjoyed to meet fellow Christians - there are a lot of LDS in our area, may God bless them to meet Christ the only-begotten co-eternal Son of God.


Thank you for your prayers, we are just living life as God gives it, and if you don't hear from us often, it's because there's not much to say, plugging along here in the finally-cooling desert. But please be in touch if you'd like, we're always happy to hear from friends!

In Christ,
Papa

Scenes from life

Things cook along here. Stefan was baptized about two weeks back, and did remarkably well (and Orthodox baptism is not short, there are a lot of prayers in with the action...) We are well, generally, and life is full. Stefko goes to sleep easier (he even nodded off one evening on the foot of our bed while we read Bible - I think he is beginning to trust). He wakes up later, too, which is a relief - especially since Ana has been sick recently, and sleep is scanty on her account.  

Stefan is also developing preferences, and eating somewhat slower. Except when it's a favorite, like tuna salad, then he still shovels somewhat maniacally. But oatmeal? He goes about as slowly as the other boys now, and doesn't always finish. He seems to be emerging (a little) from the never-had-enough-food frenzy. No doubt it will be a long time before that's gone, but we're thankful for progress.

Chickens in the yard

Stefko helping with an oil change

Machinii need tools

Stefko likes tools.

Yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of my dad's death. In thinking of him, his kindness, and my own failures to love, I wrote the following:

Ernie

I was maybe ten,
and maybe so was he,
though his waist was far ahead
of his mind, which seemed stuck,
as I said, around ten.
With all the gall of youth
I found him ugly
and repugnant to the nose;
his clothes were often greasy,
for he loved McDonalds
with the sincerity of his blessed simple soul.
And TV. He loved that, too,
though I did not observe,
for I never ventured in to get him
or to drop him off.
That was my father's work,
to help him out with errands,
go to church,
a bite to eat,
and something for his mom.
He had a mother - did you know?
Of course he did.
And he had been a kid,
who just, it seems,
got stuck at maybe ten.

Thank you for your prayers.
In Christ,
Papa

Living

We are thankful for the progress that Stefan is making. He has much longer periods of calm, and is right now sitting on the couch with mama and the brothers, listening to The Borrowers. He has been going to sleep much better, often during bedtime Bible reading with the brothers. He's often up first in the mornings (very early), and toodles around the kitchen or the fenced yard until I get up to start the day. Ana's back in school, so that's good, and we have been thankful to our friends who have entered our life to help give more hands with Stefko.

Mama and Stefko in the mei-tai

Cute and busy little lady

Slow and steady

We are thankful that Stefko did a great job at vespers and liturgy Saturday and Sunday! He's definitely making progress (and church is a good periodic check), though the day-to-day is still a challenge.

He has more smiles, and occasional outright grins (below). He doesn't much like toothbrushes, and is pretty sure that topical essential oils (for a fungal spot) are the worst. His doctor's visit last week was good, but we are still waiting on his citizenship packet (to apply for an SSN) before insurance gets entirely straightened around. So, he might have a swallow study this week, but they charge something like $5/photon for those x-rays, so they're jumpy about people with not-quite-solidified insurance status.  Sigh.

Thank you for your sustained prayers, and God bless.
Papa

A month home (tomorrow)

Things are pretty good. Stefi plays for longer, waves goodbye (and blows kisses, which he saw Mama do from the car en route to an Ana appointment), and is slightly more able to contain himself while waiting for food to be prepared and served. Things are moving in a good direction, it seems. He goes to bed more peacefully, and is getting up maybe, slightly, a bit later. We appreciate your prayers, and beg pardon of infrequent updates - there's not much time to spare. Sorry.

These two are cute together. Water balloons are great.

This WAS three boys swinging, but once Papa stopped pushing and started taking a picture, a certain someone hopped out and wandered over to investigate.

I also reiterate our thanks to everyone who has helped us financially, with prayers, with meals, and with clothes. We're grateful. Also to KLM Royal Dutch Airlines for their generous vouchers after our difficult time in Amsterdam. Unexpected help, and appreciated.

In Christ,

Papa

Three weeks in

It's a real struggle for traction to engage Stefan's attention and sustain it for longer than 2 minutes. But there are small steps forward.

Today is rainy, which is lovely, but things are a bit more stir-crazy than usual.

Also, if you wonder where MamaV went, her iPhone stopped supporting Blogger, and she doesn't really care to (or have time to) spend much screen time on the laptop (which is also kept up and away all the time). For the record, I'm currently listening in on my first work meeting back from 3 weeks of almost-blackout, which is really hard to do in aerospace.

We're trying to figure out how to care well for the family and me still have any time for work. We have a little more runway, my team is very kind and understanding, but there will need to be a resolution pretty soon. On the plus side, school starts for Ana in about two weeks, so that will be some load off during the days. The boys are troopers, but it's wearing on them. Choupinette has both loved the best and been the saddest - Stefi requires very similar attention to what she needs, and there has been a lot of competition over Mama. Ana is a patient sweetheart, and we try to make sure to spend some snuggle time with her. We are thankful for church and friends and family.

Christ is in our midst!
He is and ever shall be!

Papa

Assorted things

Somebody loves his machina.

Somebody else loves tricycles so much...

She got her own.

And bentonite clay is used for sealing wellbores, and can also do a number on your pipes. Alternative toothpaste users beware. (This was the flood that preceded the fire - poor old shop vac had a hard time with the water cleanup - that preceded a very rough Sunday morning).

Thank you for your prayers!

Papa

Ten years ago today

These two funny people got married.

They had no idea.

They still don't, but they hope they are learning to repent.

Thank you for your prayers.

Papa

Aliveness check

Hello,

We are so thankful for every new day. Stefan seems to be making connections, and finding some level of "fit". Interestingly, he and Choupinette seem to be pairing off (in a sense). They're the closest cognitively, and both seem to need the same kind of attention and can engage in similar play. It's so sad that Stefi has never learned to play. However, he was able to drive a Hot Wheels back and forth with me for maybe a dozen or more rounds. That was news (he ignored the cars completely in the hotel). He likes water play (and the kiddie pool arrives today, hurrah). The photo below is Mama supervising this on the back porch (taken through the kitchen window, sorry about the poor zoom).

Everyone's heart has been very full. There have been more random acts of frustration all around, and it's obviously pretty hard to ingest a total stranger with physical ability but no communication or relational skills into the sibling dynamic. But we pray. This morning was nice, I got to pray, do chores, get oatmeal going, and even try to do some work (I'm "on vacation" which means I dial in from home when I can).

Thanks for your prayers, we need them.

Papa

And the work begins...

Notes from Sunday:
Thanks to you all for your prayers and your help. We have been blessed by many friends with meals, and we're thankful for surviving so far. Somehow he's going on 6 hours of sleep (up at 5am) in the last 48, so I'm hoping for better things tonight... neither of us slept on the planes. But, after a reroute in Amsterdam, we ended up going home via Seattle, none the worse for wear.

Swinging is good. But the heat is pretty bad. The boys and Choupinette are have very full hearts (Ana may, too, for all I know - she got held less today).

Notes from Monday:
Good night's sleep praise God. I was up with the sun, which was nice for prayers and chores. Stefi got up around 7am, which was fine. He's very interested in cookery, and hovered around the skillet until he burned his hand (very mildly, but a few times). He has added "Hi" to his words, doubling his vocabulary. At dinner, I asked if he wanted more chicken and his response was "Da!" (his other word), which was pretty great. Meals are hard, though Stefan is doing great - we're doing hand-over-hand with the fork, and I help keep his other hand from shoveling food (he's used to using his left to hold food in an overstuffed mouth). But he's making progress even already. The hardest part is the strain on the other kids. But kind aunts helped out today, and things were ameliorated. It's always hard not to project the present into the future...

Please keep praying, I am jotting this down while Mama has the bunch of heat-tolerant ones out on a walk, and Ana and I get to clean up the house (done, so I had a moment). Please forgive us if you don't hear from us often - our hands are full.

Christ is born!

Glorify him!

Christ is risen!

Indeed, he is risen!

Christ is ascended!

From earth to heaven!

Christ is in our midst!

He is, and ever shall be!

In Christ,
Papa

Farewell Sofia, hello croissant

A brand-new American Citizen eats fast food in Seattle

Singing and swinging

Ducks in a row

We have the packet from the embassy, all is (supposedly) in order, and I guess we'll see how leaving Bulgaria and entering the US goes! We'll be up early tomorrow (in a bit more than 12 hours), and off to the airport. No more meetings, appointments, etc. Stefan is enjoying another bath now (they are a nice break for me), and we may try to get to a vespers in an hour, but we'll see. Sv. Paraskeva is probably the closest one, but it's still a 10min walk. And Stefan had troubles getting to the corner store today. It's been a rough week.

I was not really joking when I said to Toni that the only visible difference between adoption and kidnapping is the paperwork...  And now I can begin insurance paperwork for the US.

Friday

And yes, I am thankful to God that it is.

Today we will meet with the lawyer who should have all the documents assembled. We left Stefi's passport at the embassy to get the visa stamp affixed (a step that always makes me nervous - he is without ID for a little while, though I'm sure in a pinch enough of the supporting sheaf of documents would add up to ID).

I have not been able to reach the lawyer by phone yet, and she didn't give a time, so we are bored in the hotel room. We'd probably be fine for a walk, but I'm conservative. We'll just go to the store soon, get some more cheese (the only remaining effective pill-vehicle), but NOT more bread - it became something of an idea fixee yesterday, and I had to hide it before he would go to sleep. Not that he wanted to eat it, mind you, just to have the bag (ignoring the several pieces that were already out for him, and of which I kept offering chunks). This post-institutional food security thing... but then, I'm reminded of a (perhaps apocryphal) internal memo from Vanguard, the financial company, that indicated the highest-performing clients were those who a) were dead, or b) had forgotten they had the account. Again, lessons for Papa from Stefan. It's very plain when it's bread, but we adults like to gussy up our insecurities with fancy names like retirement or career.

Baths have been the new ecstasy since Wednesday evening, but like anything, he's getting bored with plain-vanilla, and looking for a new high. He scored yesterday with the hand shower, but that papa would insist on helping hold it and not giving him free rein. Now I'm not sure what he's up to, but he's learning to get in and out of the tub himself, which is good, but also a little nerve-wracking to see him teeter on the edge. However, he refuses help, and I am not sure what he expects me to do - he may be telling me to take a bath, too. Yes, much communication is nonverbal anyway, but imperatives can be tricky to convey - and this applies in both directions.

Tomorrow early we're off to the airport, then back to the US via Amsterdam. The flight from Amsterdam to Minnie-StPaul leaves at 10:30am and arrives at 12:30pm - so short!

Thank you for your prayers, I'm looking forward to the rest of my family and my home. But I will miss Sofia, if not the hotel room.

And God bless Baba Annie.

In Christ,

Papa

At Seta Paraskeva (repost)

Sorry - this comes of having two different devices, which are not always in sync.

I am grateful to the kind lady at the church who took time to comfort Stefan (who didn't know why we were going out again, but who was also going bonkers in the hotel). On the way back from the walk, Stefi pulled me back into the church and wanted to walk around inside. God is good.

But I am sorry to say that Stefan is pretty much ready to be American - he loves junk food and cars. The junk food is a fine tool, but he makes no distinction between moving or parked, sidewalk or street. So he is frustrated when we are around cars, since I try very hard to keep him away from them.

So the fenced churchyard was a welcome relief. It strikes me that you probably couldn't just walk around most churches in America, since they are (both legally and culturally) private property. In Bulgaria, I don't know what the legal balance of ownership is, but culturally, churches are public. Generally speaking, you can just walk in, and they are open most of the day, every day. Yes, churches had to be underground shortly after the resurrection and Pentecost, but the apostles were public in the beginning, Paul was open for business in the hall of Tyrannus. It's something to think about, as we seek to hold out the gospel to the world.




In Christ,

Papa